i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
