I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
