Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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