all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
