his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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