im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
