did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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