she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
