Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
