And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
