i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
