oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
