If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
