at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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