Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
