I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
