Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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