worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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