His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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