even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
