Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
