I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
