forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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