i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
