How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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