My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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