Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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