Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
