The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
