Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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