I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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