Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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