im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
