Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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