I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
