Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
