Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
