i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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