Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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