I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
