Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
where are my eyebrows?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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