I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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