hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
