I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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