I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
