I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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