How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
