So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
