Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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