how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
